What Is Gaslighting And How To Spot It (from your spouse)?

 Q: What is gaslighting?

A: "Gaslighting is an emotional abuse tactic whereby one person attempts to undermine their partner's reality. They behave in ways that suggest the other person is somehow imagining or exaggerating what is happening. This can be anything from shouting at their partner or isolating them from family and friends."
Gaslighting tactics can be as subtle as: • Calling out minor and insignificant personal attributes, like being too sensitive, while ignoring or dismissing their partner's big and fundamental feelings and beliefs, • Disparaging or humiliating their partner in front of others, • Ignoring personal hygiene in favor of spending all their time at work or at home, and • Blaming their partner for problems with the relationship or for things they didn't do themselves.


HOW TO SPOT GASLIGHTING: • Question the partner's level of commitment to the relationship. • Ask them how they know that your partner didn't cause your memory lapses. • Ask them about their withdrawal from family and friends, and why they're living their lives differently from you. • Ask them about their lack of personal hygiene. • Ask them what they know about events in your life. • Ask them to explain why they're suddenly 'forgetting' things. • Ask them if they're acting in a deceptive manner towards you. • Ask them what they're doing to make sure you remember everything correctly. • Ask them to tell you about their activities in the last 24 hours, even if you don't want to hear what they have to say. • Ask them how they can tell you something that has happened years ago. • Ask them about the things they did when they were away from you, even if it makes you uncomfortable. • Ask them to help you remember something by telling you what they remember about it.


Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that’s seen in abusive relationships. It’s the act of manipulating a person by forcing them to question their thoughts, memories, and the events occurring around them. A victim of gaslighting can be pushed so far that they question their own sanity.


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